Addicted
I’ve been a gamer for years, since getting my hands on the
family Atari
ST. My grandad killed that thing my ripping out it’s
innards whilst trying to get a stuck disc out of the drive with a bloody
great knife. He was a carpenter, so he was very gentle when he was
working with wood. Anything more solid than that generally cowered in
fear.
I have such vivid memories of exploring Hyrule in The Legend of Zelda: A
Link To The Past, finally getting the Knights of the Round summon in
Final Fantasy VII and the first time that zombie turns around at the
start of Resident Evil. Back in the day, multiplayer for me was some
Goldeneye deathmatches with my brother and not a lot more. Fast forward
a long time and my free time is suddenly consumed almost
exclusively with multiplayer, and specifically
competitive games. My current addiction is, admittedly
brilliant, Hunt:
Showdown, but it doesn’t stop there. I’m working through
the Battle Passes for Fortnite AND Halo Infinite. I also regularly dip
back into Valorant, Escape from Tarkov, Legends of Runeterra, League of
Legends … the list really goes on. What’s the problem with playing games
I enjoy, you may ask. Generally, nothing, but in my case there two big
problems. Firstly, by their nature I’m far more likely to lose
whatever I’m playing leading to an incredibly frustrating experience
most evenings, but also I think competitive games may have ruined my
ability to enjoy single player, story driven games. The sad thing is, I
put myself at a disadvantage in all of these by having no friends to
actually play these games with. I’m having a single player experience,
whilst frustrating myself with a multiplayer game.
Halo Infinite has a popular multiplayer scene, but this release has also
had a lot of praise for such a strong story. Have I experienced this
compelling story? Well, about an hour of it. I bought Horizon Zero Dawn
when it came to the PC, again after it received rave reviews. I love the
game, played about an hour or so and, since then, nothing. My Steam
library, not to mention GamePass catalogue, is crammed full of
incredible stories and incredible experiences. For the most part, an
evening spent being unexpectedly and viciously murdered by a random
person hiding in a bush will not give me the nostalgic glow Final
Fantasy VII gave me, when I look back on it in years to come.
When you find a good single player experience in a video game they can
be as, if not more, compelling than any movie or book. I went though the
entire Resident Evil series last year, and absolutely loved it. While
the story for most games in the series wouldn’t necessarily count as
award winning, Resident Evil Village was hugely compelling and
interesting. Since then, however, every time I fire up a single player
game, regardless of how much I’m enjoying it, always ends quite
abruptly. The thought going through my head at every opportunity is
‘but I could be progressing that Battle Pass’ or something
similar. I’ve got to the point that this feeling is so distracting it
overrides any enjoyment I’m having with the single player game, and I no
longer absorb the story.
Playing competitive multiplayer
games is the gaming equivalent of doom scrolling Facebook as you get
annoyed by all of your racist or generally ignorant relatives and old
work colleagues spouting utter guff. It’s unhealthy for your mental well
being, but I’ve come to the realisation that I’m addicted to it. I’m
addicted to that one in a thousand times when the experience goes
well. When you top that Valorant scoreboard, or extract from
Tarkov with some random loot stuffed up my bum, the buzz and rush is
second to none. I started writing this post which I was going to entitle
‘I Can’t Enjoy Single Player Games Any More’ but as I’ve been writing
it’s turned more into a therapy session than a light hearted laugh and
my enjoyment of competitive games.
It seems clear that I’m addicted to the buzz of competitive games and,
worryingly, I don’t want to do any thing about it. By writing this and
admitting this problem, I’m at the first step of addressing it.
I should just say here, for the record, I’m not addicted to this in any
way that damages anyone other than myself. I can admit I’m terrible at
these games, so when I need to operate normally I can switch these games
off without a problem. It’s a strange thing to write here, I know, in a
semi light hearted post, but true addiction is serious and if you read
any of the above and see a more worrying trend in yourself, in gaming or
elsewhere, help is available in the U.K.,
US,
or locally to you wherever you may be.
Thanks for reading folks, and happy (healthy) gaming!