"We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?" - Steve Jobs

Know When to Fold ‘em

I’ve had my blog for a few years now, and it started off fairly well. I posted reasonably regularly and was enjoying myself. As time passed, and COVID hit us all like a freight train, my interest has waned and I’ve not posted for over 6 months.

All things considered, I think I’ve personally coped quite well with the seismic shift this world event has thrust upon me, my family, and everyone. That being said, with a day job, being a teacher for my little girl, and having no outlets outside of the home for over a year, things eventually start to take their toll. I’m getting to the point where the four walls of my home are starting to feel like a prison and breaking point is creeping up to me, both mentally nd physically, like a praying mantis ready to strike. Right now, as with many people, getting through each day is an achievement in its own right.

I’m not saying any of this for sympathy, and I’m doing just fine. As much as things are getting harder, there is now light at the end of the tunnel and I do appreciate people have it a lot harder than I do. COVID has touched everyone in the world to varying degrees and I think we should be proud how many of us have pulled together to help and support our friends, families and neighbours.

That being said, and I appreciate this is a very round about way of saying it, I’ve seen a lot of people in my timeline achieve great things this year. They’ve taken the opportunity this pandemic has given them and run with it. They’ve developed new skills, learnt a language, even written a book. I, on the other hand, can’t even be bothered to type a few words into my phone or tablet. I’ve been feeling a lot like I’ve been lazy, and squandered a valuable opportunity. The truth is, however, doing a job, trying to stay positive for a family, being a part time teacher and holding things together is just my extra mile right now, and I think that’s just fine.

Now, if you’ve got this far into this strange, meandering post, well done you. You now may understand a little about why I’ve come to the conclusion that I think blogging is just not for me. For something that’s purely a hobby, it shouldn’t be this much of a struggle. I shouldn’t have to try and force myself to write, or to think of ideas for posts that just don’t come. Things I do post gets very little traction, which isn’t an issue, but if I’m essentially writing for myself, and I get nothing out of it, what’s the point? It may be time to admit to myself that I’m not a blogger, I don’t really enjoy it and I need to find myself something else. I’m keen to have some form of creative outlet, but what that may be I’m not sure yet. I tried podcasting for some time, but I’m too introverted to be a good guest, and too dull and monotonous to do it alone. Once again, I’m not saying this in an attempt to have people tell me the contrary. I’m amongst friends here, and we can’t all be good at everything.

The main solace I’ve had during this crappy year has been my gaming PC I built over the summer, thanks to a lot of help from my brother and Chris Wilmshurst. I thought, given the setup, some streaming would be a fun way to combine my current passion with creating something. Again, my introverted nature and general all round dullness makes for an incredibly dull viewing experience.

So, for now, I think surviving, providing, and supporting are going to be my creative outlets. I’m going to cancel my Micro.Blog hosting and have a think about if I can take on another, more creative hobby at a later date. Though, playing too much Escape from Tarkov can be an achievement … right?